<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN"> <HTML><HEAD> <META content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1" http-equiv=Content-Type> <META name=GENERATOR content="MSHTML 8.00.6001.18854"> <STYLE></STYLE> </HEAD> <BODY bgColor=#ffffff> <DIV><FONT size=2 face=Arial>I have been traveling for the holidays and have not had a chance to send anything in reply to this topic before now.  My oldest sister died in 1952 when she was 22 months old.  She had cerebral palsy.  Both sets of my grandparents had a child that died young.  My father's parents had a still born child in 1931.  My mother's parents had a daughter die when she was 5 years old in 1936.  None of my grandparents obituaries mentioned the child they lost.  My sister was not included with the grandchildren in any of my grandparent's obituaries.  Nor were three other grandchildren of my mother's parents that died.  One was in her mid 20s when she died.  So it was not just the young children that were not included.  I am not sure why, but my guess from my research in obituaries is that it was not customary to do this in the 1960s and 70s when my grandparents died.  </FONT></DIV> <DIV><FONT size=2 face=Arial></FONT> </DIV> <DIV><FONT size=2 face=Arial>The death of a child is always devastating to parents and is often difficult to deal with.  Not only at the time of the death, but for the rest of their lives.  During my own childhood I knew about my sister and my parents would mention her to other people when I was around.  However I did not know when her birthday was until I was about 16 years old when I came home from school one day.  I do not remember exactly why my mother told me that day that it was my sister's birthday.  I did not know where she was buried until I was almost 19 and I went looking for her grave.  I was three and a half when my sister died.  I had always remembered some things about her funeral, but never said anything to my parents until about 20 years ago.  At first my mother thought someone had told me about her funeral until I started describing the funeral home inside.  It had an addition added and other renovations done in the early 1960s.  I was not in the funeral home between my sister's funeral and when the addition and renovations took place.  When I described the layout back in 1952 she knew I was remembering my sister's funeral.</FONT></DIV> <DIV><FONT size=2 face=Arial></FONT> </DIV> <DIV><FONT size=2 face=Arial>It has not been until the last 20-25 years that people have been more open and public about death.  In the past many children have been sheltered from funerals.  I know a number of people who were in there 30s or 40s before they ever went to a funeral.  Today attitudes have changed and funerals are more often celebrations of life.  That is not to say people do not mourn, they do.</FONT></DIV> <DIV><FONT size=2 face=Arial></FONT> </DIV> <DIV><FONT size=2 face=Arial>Often what is included in an obituary depends on a number of things.  What is the custom of the area and the newspapers where the person lived?  What does it cost to have the obituary published?  Many papers charge unless the person was someone well known in the area.  Who in the family gave the information and what may they have not known about the person?  Did they know about children that died young?</FONT></DIV> <DIV><FONT size=2 face=Arial></FONT> </DIV> <DIV><FONT size=2 face=Arial>My parent's obituaries listed my sister who died young.  Both obituaries also included the names of their parents and all their deceased siblings, along with the ones that were still alive.  But I was the one who wrote both obituaries and what else would a genealogist do?</FONT></DIV> <DIV><FONT size=2 face=Arial></FONT> </DIV> <DIV><FONT size=2 face=Arial>I lead a special interest group for one of the genealogical societies I belong to and writing our own obituary was a topic we covered in June 2008.  It was a popular topic and the group has requested we do it again, so that will be our topic later this week.  I put together a list of things to consider about obituaries for this meeting.  I have included it below.  </FONT></DIV> <DIV><FONT size=2 face=Arial></FONT> </DIV> <DIV><FONT size=2 face=Arial>Chuck Mason</FONT></DIV> <DIV><FONT size=2 face=Arial>Fairfax, VA</FONT></DIV> <DIV><FONT size=2 face=Arial></FONT> </DIV> <DIV><FONT size=2 face=Arial></FONT> </DIV> <DIV><FONT size=2 face=Arial></FONT> </DIV> <DIV><FONT size=2 face=Arial></FONT> </DIV> <H1 style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" align=center><FONT size=3>Analyzing and Writing Obituaries</FONT></H1> <H1 style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" align=center><FONT size=3> </FONT> <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></H1> <H1 style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3>Things to consider about Obituaries</FONT></H1> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal> <o:p></o:p></P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>What does the obituary say?</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>What is missing from the obituary?</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Even simple obituaries can lead to other sources.</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal> <o:p></o:p></P> <H1 style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT size=3>Writing your own obituary</FONT></H1> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Things to consider:</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Style or customs of the paper as to what to include</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Cost – paid or not</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal> <o:p></o:p></P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Things to include:</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Name of person including full name, nicknames, aliases </P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Place of residence</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Former places of residence including dates left</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Date and Place of birth</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Survivors including their names, their spouse’s names, and place of residence (parents, children, grand children, great grand children, siblings, nieces and nephews, special friends, neighbors, and domestic partners)</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Names of family who are deceased (include parents, children, grand children, siblings, etc.)</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Pets – names</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Occupation and employer or former employer</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Religion and church affiliation</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Clubs and fraternal organizations – include names and locations, office held, committees chaired, awards received, and lodge numbers</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Civic or political activities organizations – include names and locations, office held, committees chaired, and awards received</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Citizenship – if immigrant – naturalization information, former residence and date of immigration</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Leisure activities and hobbies</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Travel and favorite vacations locations</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Funeral information – funeral home, address, viewing time and place, funeral service location, and time</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Cremation – disposition of remains</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Burial – cemetery and location</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Education – schools attended, graduation dates, fraternities or sororities, degrees received, and awards received</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Memorial donations – names and addresses of recipients</P> <P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt" class=MsoNormal>Flowers – accepted or not</P> <DIV><SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA">Web address of funeral home</SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"></SPAN> </DIV> <BLOCKQUOTE style="BORDER-LEFT: #000000 2px solid; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0px"> <DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial">----- Original Message ----- </DIV> <DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial"> </DIV> <DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial"> </DIV> <DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial; BACKGROUND: #e4e4e4; font-color: black"><B>From:</B> <A title=christine3cats@gmail.com href="mailto:christine3cats@gmail.com">Christine Crawford-Oppenheimer</A> </DIV> <DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial"><B>To:</B> <A title=APGpubliclist@apgen.org href="mailto:APGpubliclist@apgen.org">APGpubliclist@apgen.org</A> </DIV> <DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Sent:</B> Saturday, January 02, 2010 11:03 PM</DIV> <DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Subject:</B> Re: [APG Public List] predeceased by infant children</DIV> <DIV><BR></DIV>The information in obituaries is usually supplied by a family member, so it would be up to them whether predeceased infant children are mentioned. Some people might not think these are importaint. 18 months before I was born, my mother had a baby who lived only a day, but I knew from several things she had said that he was very important to her, so I listed him in her obituary. One of her college roommates, who was also the Godmother of my living brother, commented to me (after reading the obit) that she wondered why my mother hadn't mentioned Mark to her. I am sure that at the time it was a harrowing loss, and later, it would have been hard to bring up the subject.<BR><BR>Christine<BR><BR> <DIV class=gmail_quote>On Wed, Dec 23, 2009 at 7:28 AM, Ida Skarson McCormick <SPAN dir=ltr><<A href="mailto:idamc@seanet.com">idamc@seanet.com</A>></SPAN> wrote:<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE style="BORDER-LEFT: rgb(204,204,204) 1px solid; MARGIN: 0pt 0pt 0pt 0.8ex; PADDING-LEFT: 1ex" class=gmail_quote>In the case of 2 cousins who died in the last 6 months, one in Michigan and one in Washington State, I have noticed that although each lost a child in infancy, neither of those is in the obituary "predeceased by" list. Is this a trend in the funeral industry? There is not even an allusion to an "infant son."<BR><FONT color=#888888><BR>--Ida Skarson McCormick, <A href="mailto:idamc@seanet.com" target=_blank>idamc@seanet.com</A>, Seattle<BR><BR></FONT></BLOCKQUOTE></DIV><BR><BR clear=all><BR>-- <BR>Christine Crawford-Oppenheimer<BR>Hyde Park, NY<BR><BR>Author of: Long-Distance Genealogy:<BR>Researching Your Ancestors from Home<BR></BLOCKQUOTE></BODY></HTML>